InvitationsWhen to send invitations
Send an invitation too late and people already have plans. Send it too early and they forget. The table below gives timings that work for most families in India. They are common practice, not rules, so adjust them for your own circle.
| Occasion | First word | Invitation | Reminder |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wedding (guests in the same city) | 2 to 3 months before, by phone or a save-the-date message | 4 to 6 weeks before | 2 to 3 days before |
| Wedding (guests who must travel) | 4 to 6 months before | 8 weeks before | 1 week before, with travel help |
| Engagement or roka | As soon as the date is fixed | 2 to 3 weeks before | 1 day before |
| Haldi, mehndi, sangeet | With the wedding invitation | 1 to 2 weeks before | 1 day before |
| Birthday party | Not needed | 2 to 3 weeks before | 1 or 2 days before |
| First birthday or milestone birthday | 1 month before for relatives from outside | 3 weeks before | 2 days before |
| Housewarming or griha pravesh | When the muhurat is fixed | 1 to 2 weeks before | 1 day before, with the location pin |
| Baby shower, naming ceremony, mundan | By phone to close family | 1 to 2 weeks before | 1 day before |
| Anniversary party | 1 month before for a silver or golden jubilee | 2 to 3 weeks before | 2 days before |
| Retirement or farewell | Not needed | 1 to 2 weeks before | 1 day before |
| Puja, katha, path at home | Not needed | About 1 week before | Morning of the day before |
| Festival get-together | Not needed | 2 to 3 weeks before | 2 days before |
| Shop or office opening | When the date is fixed, to the chief guest | 1 to 2 weeks before | 1 day before |
| Prayer meeting | By phone, the same day | As soon as the time and place are fixed | Not needed |
How to use the table
- First word is the phone call or short message that tells close people to keep the date free. It matters most when guests must travel or take leave.
- Invitation is the card or the full message with all details.
- Reminder is a short, friendly message with the time and the location pin.
When to send earlier
- The function falls in the wedding season or near a big festival, when halls, trains and flights are full.
- Guests need a visa, long leave or school holidays to attend.
- You need a firm head count for a caterer or a hall.
If you are late
It happens. Call instead of only sending a message, say honestly that the plan was made at short notice, and do not be hurt if some people cannot come. A warm late invitation is still better than none.
Need the words? See the reminder messages.
Plan backwards from the day
The easiest way to find your own dates is to count back from the function. Take a wedding on a Sunday in February as an example:
- The day itself. A short "see you this evening" message with the location pin, in the morning.
- One to two days before. The reminder, with the time and the pin.
- About a week before. Follow up with people who have not replied, and give the caterer a number.
- Three to six weeks before. Cards and full messages go out. Outstation relatives first, local guests after.
- Two to three months before. The first word, by phone, to everyone who must book travel or leave.
- Before that. The guest list, the wording and the printing of cards, which take longer than people expect.
For a small function at home the whole ladder shrinks to a week or two, but the order stays the same: first word, invitation, reminder.
Who should hear first
- Elders of both families, in person or by phone, before any card or message is sent to anyone.
- People who must travel, so that they can book tickets while they are available.
- People with a part to play: the mama for the bhaat or mayra, the bua, the sister who ties the sehra, the friends who will perform.
- Everyone else, together, so that nobody hears that the neighbours were invited a week earlier.
Printed cards take time
If you are printing cards, add the printer's time and your own: choosing the design, checking the proof, printing, writing names on envelopes and delivering by hand or by post. Families who start this late end up sending the picture on WhatsApp first and the card afterwards, which is fine, but it is better to plan for it. See ordering printed cards.
Days and hours
- Send messages in the morning or early evening, when people read at leisure.
- Avoid sending on the day of another big family event or a major festival, when your message will be buried under greetings.
- If you deliver cards in person, a weekend visit gives time for tea and conversation, which is half the point of the custom.