MessagesThinking of you and checking in messages
The message that says "I thought of you" with no other purpose is the rarest and the most welcome. These are for the friend who has gone quiet, the parent living alone, the relative after a loss, and anyone you have been meaning to write to.
For a friend
Saw something today that reminded me of you and smiled. Hope life is treating you gently.
No reason for this message. You crossed my mind, and I wanted you to know.
It has been too long, and that is on both of us. Shall we fix it? Tea this weekend?
You have been quiet lately. No need to explain. I am here whenever you feel like talking.
Just checking that you are eating properly and sleeping enough. Reply with a yes and I will leave you alone.
I do not need anything. I just like knowing you are all right.
Thinking of you today. That is the whole message.
For parents and elders
Good morning, Papa. Did you take your walk today? Tell me what the neighbours are up to.
Maa, what did you cook today? I am trying your recipe on Sunday and will need help.
Nani, I was telling my friends your story about the mango tree. Call you this evening at seven.
Just to say I reached office, I ate, and I am thinking of you both. Talk tonight.
Uncle, it has been a while since we spoke. How is your health? I will come by this Sunday if it suits you.
For someone going through a hard time
I do not know what to say, so I will only say this: I am here, and I am not going anywhere.
No need to reply. I am thinking of you today, and I will check again next week.
I know this month is hard. I remember, and I am with you.
You do not have to be strong with me. Say whatever is true.
I am going to the market at five. Send me your list and I will leave the bag at your door.
It has been three months, and I have not forgotten. Thinking of you and of him today.
हिन्दी में
आज यूँ ही आपकी याद आ गई। उम्मीद है सब ठीक होगा।
बहुत दिन हो गए बात किए। ग़लती दोनों की है, चलो इस रविवार चाय पर ठीक कर लेते हैं।
कुछ कहना नहीं है, बस इतना कि मैं हूँ। जब मन करे, फ़ोन कर लेना।
माँ, आज खाने में क्या बनाया? शाम को सात बजे फ़ोन करता हूँ।
पापा, दवा समय पर ले रहे हैं न? अपना ख़याल रखिए, इस शनिवार आ रहा हूँ।
जवाब देने की ज़रूरत नहीं। बस जानना कि आज आप याद आए।
मुश्किल वक़्त है, जानता हूँ। आप अकेले नहीं हैं।
ਪੰਜਾਬੀ ਵਿੱਚ
ਅੱਜ ਐਵੇਂ ਈ ਤੁਹਾਡੀ ਯਾਦ ਆ ਗਈ। ਉਮੀਦ ਹੈ ਸਭ ਸੁੱਖ ਸਾਂਦ ਹੋਵੇਗੀ।
ਬੇਬੇ, ਅੱਜ ਕੀ ਬਣਾਇਆ? ਸ਼ਾਮੀਂ ਸੱਤ ਵਜੇ ਫ਼ੋਨ ਕਰੂੰਗਾ।
ਬਾਪੂ ਜੀ, ਦਵਾਈ ਵੇਲੇ ਸਿਰ ਲੈ ਰਹੇ ਓ ਨਾ? ਆਪਣਾ ਖ਼ਿਆਲ ਰੱਖਿਓ।
ਬੜਾ ਚਿਰ ਹੋ ਗਿਆ ਗੱਲ ਕੀਤਿਆਂ। ਇਸ ਐਤਵਾਰ ਚਾਹ ਤੇ ਮਿਲੀਏ?
ਜਵਾਬ ਦੇਣ ਦੀ ਲੋੜ ਨਹੀਂ। ਬੱਸ ਦੱਸਣਾ ਸੀ ਕਿ ਮੈਂ ਤੇਰੇ ਨਾਲ ਹਾਂ।
Nothing matches. Try a shorter word, or choose All.
Why "How are you?" often fails
Because it asks the other person to do the work. A tired or sad person reads "How are you?" and sees a form to fill in. They answer "fine", and the conversation is over. A better check-in gives something first: a memory, a small piece of news, or a simple statement that asks for nothing. "Saw jalebis and thought of you" opens a door without pushing anyone through it.
Three ways to start
- Share a trigger: "Your favourite song came on in the auto today."
- Offer something small: "I am near your office on Thursday. Tea?"
- Give permission not to reply: "No need to answer. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you."
Checking in on someone who is struggling
After a death, a job loss, a divorce or an illness, people are flooded with messages for a week and then hear nothing. Be the one who writes in the third week and the third month. Do not ask "are you better now?", which puts a deadline on grief. Say "thinking of you today", and mention the person or the thing by name. If you are worried about someone's safety, a message is not enough. Call, visit, and involve their family.
Elders and parents
Parents and grandparents living on their own often will not say they are lonely. A fixed time works better than occasional long calls: a two-line message every morning, or a call every evening at seven. Ask about small things, such as what they ate, who visited, how the knee is, and tell them small things about your day in return. Being included in the ordinary is what they miss.
What to avoid
- "Long time no see! You have forgotten us." Guilt closes doors.
- Checking in only when you need a favour. People notice.
- Demanding to know why they have been quiet.
Make it yours
- If you thought of someone today, tell them today. It takes one minute and no reason.
Questions
What do I say to someone I have not spoken to in years?
Do not explain the gap. Mention something that reminded you of them, say you hope they are well, and leave it open. Most people are simply glad to hear from you.
How often should I check in on a grieving friend?
A short message every week or two for the first few months, and on dates that will be hard for them. Do not expect replies.